It was 13:50 of a gray afternoon in Barcelona, those that last 5 weeks.
At that hour I had decided that it was a good idea to go for a whisky in a bar lost in the middle of the gothic quarter.
By 14:00 I was already with my glass sweating on the napkin that covered a bar with more years and customers than layers of varnish.
In this same place perhaps more than 60 thousand people had already been seated at different times of their lives. Some cried because they felt lonely, others laughed out loud with their friends and some perhaps just remained silent with indifference in their eyes and a battle in their heads.
Of all these people I came across Pepe, a 55 year old veteran who at first glance seemed to lead a bohemian life, detached from the human trivialities that had been tearing me apart.
- A whiskey at 2 o'clock in the afternoon? You either have to have cojones or lead a pretty damn good life. - He said, making room next to me.
- You've got to be pissed off - I retorted in the worst mocking accent I could muster.
- Come on, it's not to be scornful - He told me while he rolled a cigarette without looking away from me.
- You're right, you're right. Martín, nice to meet you. - I answered him, recovering the characteristic little song of the Rioplatense Spanish.
- Uruguayan, eh? You guys are better tempered. What's going on? - He replied, hugging me with an unexpected restraint.
- Never mind, it's nothing. Unmet needs. - I bounced off his question. Then I took a swig of whiskey to drown out the words I wanted to blurt out.
- So we're not getting anywhere. I'll leave you alone if you want, no need for manners. - He said as he searched for the lighter in his worn and yellowed jean jacket.
- It's not that, I avoid making friends when I'm in need. - I said, handing him my fire that was conveniently closer at hand.
- Why is that? - he asked as he took my fire.
- Because I need friendships and cover interests at the same time. I don't like to mix them. - I replied reluctantly and snorting.
- I don't consider myself a smart person, just someone who as a result of his experiences no longer eats shit from anyone. But it's not that I was born knowing what shit not to eat, it's that as a result of so much shit, I've learned -more or less- what shit is worth eating and what shit is not. Why don't you let me discern between what I want to hear and what I don't? - He said and it sounded convincing, I won't deny it.
- Look. That's why I don't like to mix friendship with interests, I prefer all my life that if there are interests involved, they are already included in the first contact. It saves me time and allows me to make visible the relationships that are strictly for exchange and those that are friendships.
I don't mean that friendship relationships can't make things easier for you and so on, but with a friend you have a different predisposition to share other aspects of life. I don't know, feelings, fears, dreams; everything that encompasses friendship per se.
So, if I come to cry on your shoulder because I need a refuge from the waterfall that can be my life and when I finish you charge me for the washing of the shirt you are wearing, it will bother me.
On the other hand, if I already know that crying has a cost; either I choose another place to cry or I come prepared to understand that it is a service you are rendering. - I said, believing that what I was saying had a solemn charge worthy of the tone of a Ted talk,
- What nonsense are you talking about? That's not friendship, it's renting affection and for that we already have other things - He said while he laughed with that silly and mocking tone that people put when they are overcome with embarrassment. I had understood the joke he wanted to make, but it wasn't funny.
- It may be silly, yes, I won't deny it. But it's also the burden of problems, I'm thinking about other things, I'm solving other equations. Maybe I explained it wrong, or maybe the vapor of the problems are blurring my lens and I conceive reality in a distorted way.
Whatever it is, it's too late now, a whiskey? - I answered inviting him to be my friend.
- No whiskey, no problems, no bullshit. What is missing here is to face the responsibility of the problems. You chose this, don't lose heart because things are not as easy as you expected. And if you do, at least have the decency to take your own blame. - He said as he reached for my cigarettes.
When I looked up he was no longer there.
- Excuse me, did you see where the person who was here went? - I asked the guy at the bar.
- You've been talking to yourself for 15 minutes - He answered me surprised while his face expressed a feeling somewhere between pity and bewilderment.
- Wow, I must have figured it out - Pepe said.
